Supporting the Mental Well-being of Teenagers

There have been welcome signs over the past few years of the beginnings of a shift in societal attitudes towards the subject of mental health. This has been largely a taboo area, but more recently there has been some evidence of an increasing willingness to talk about this hitherto hidden subject. An additional nudge in this direction has resulted from the national lockdowns instituted in response to the Covid-19 pandemic. The normal busyness of life was brought to a stop, networks and patterns of relationships were interrupted, and liberties were curtailed. The suddenness of such enormous changes prompted many to confront, perhaps for the first time, the robustness of their own mental health. The impact for teenagers was heightened by the need to limit social activity since this forms part of the exploration and striving for independence from parents that is associated with adolescence.

What is Mental Health?

It is widely recognised that one of the barriers to discussion in the area of mental health is its confusion with mental illness. In trying to understand these terms, I find it helpful to draw a parallel with physical health and physical illness. We all have mental health and need to look after it, just as we all have physical health and should protect it. At times, we may experience a mental health issue, just as we might experience a physical health issue, which may be easily resolved or something we have to learn to live with, but it is not necessarily an illness or evidence of one. However, if we develop an illness, be it mental or physical, it will impact our (mental or physical) health and will often require some form of treatment or intervention Huffington Post. It should also be noted that whilst they are treated separately above for the sake of drawing the extended comparison, our mental and physical health influence and affect each other. In general, our mental health refers to our ability to cope with life, to process our emotions and feelings, and to manage stress.

Teenagers and Mental Health

It is important to remember that the teenage years are a significant developmental stage in the life of a person. As they seek to develop independence from their parents, teenagers are developing the strategies and tools that will enable them to cope with the stresses of independent adult life. This applies as much to a person’s mental health as to any other area of their life, and it is complicated by the intensely personal nature of our individual mental health profile. Some teenagers by their make-up are, for example, more prone to worry about things than others; some might handle stressful situations with ease whilst some of their friends cannot. This means that any definition of what constitutes “normal” mental health must leave room for personal variation. Ultimately, I prefer to think of a good level of mental health as being a state of mind that enables the individual to enjoy life whilst managing its stresses.

However good one’s level of mental health might be, there will still be difficult experiences in life and teenagers need to learn to distinguish between serious challenges to mental well-being and just having a bad day or a difficult time. Robust mental health enables us to face and deal with difficulties and challenges and to become stronger as a result. In July, an article carried by Heidi News in Switzerland, stated that “The Covid-19 lockdown has affected the mental health of some 40% of teenagers, stressed by being cut off from friends and schools, fears of falling ill and a future that is out of their control.”. However, I would argue that fears of falling ill during a pandemic are a natural human response, and for the vast majority, their mental health will enable them to face and manage those fears. Those most at risk from the experience of lockdown in terms of mental health are those who already have underlying mental health issues, whether they have been previously diagnosed or not. Such underlying issues make it more difficult for them to respond appropriately to the new situation.

A month later, it was revealed that a study conducted in the UK amongst 13-14 year olds had indicated that for some teenagers, mental health had improved during the lockdown. As the NIHR School for Public Health Research suggests, the mental health improvement “may be due to the removal of stress factors often found in school environments such as pressure of academic work and challenging peer relationships.” With regards to the present discussion, the findings serve to underline the individual nature of mental health.

Teenagers, Mental Health Issues and Mental Illness

Given that different people and organisations draw the line between mental health issues and mental illness at different places, I find the comments of the Mental Health at Work Group helpful: “When a mental health issue begins to seriously take over a person’s life – impacting work, relationships, education, or social lives – MHAW considers it to be a mental illness.”

The World Health Organisation (WHO) suggests that 10-20% of adolescents globally experience mental health conditions. Anxiety and depression head the majority of listings of the most common mental health conditions experienced by teenagers, often followed by loneliness and stress. Such listings often go on to include eating disorders, self-harm, drug-taking, and a variety of learning, behavioural or personality disorders. The WHO points out also that suicide is the third leading cause of death in 15-19-year-olds.

What can parents do?

Parents are both the best placed and the worst placed to be able to help their teenagers in the area of mental health and well-being. Proximity within the family enables observation of behavioural changes that might be important signs of a developing mental health issue. At the same time, however, some teenagers are extremely reluctant to talk about personal issues with their parents. Often, the ability to help relies on a strong pre-existing relationship, which all parents can seek to build with their teenager.

I would summarise what parents can do, as follows:

  • Model and seek an adult relationship with your teenager.
  • Make time to listen to your teenager.
  • Take what your teenager says seriously.
  • Don’t pretend you know all the answers.
  • Seek out quality information about mental health amongst teenagers, including the signs to look out for.
  • Be on the lookout for marked behavioural changes – not the same as being faced by teenage stroppiness.
  • Don’t be afraid to suggest medical help if you think it is required, or to insist if you think the condition is becoming worse.

Parents need support too

Parenting can be hard work and extremely stressful. When faced with possible issues with the mental health of their teenager, parents can also feel incredibly alone. Wise parents will recognise the need to find support for themselves. Whether that support is professional or informal, having someone to whom they can talk about their fears, and who can help them find a way forward, is an invaluable aid to becoming better equipped to help and support their teenager.

This article was published in the Spring edition of International School Parent magazine, 2021.

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Supporting teenagers through school closure in a pandemic

The last few weeks have changed life for many people in a way few could ever have imagined. In one family after another, one or both parents now find themselves working from home, care facilities for younger children have been withdrawn. With the closure of schools, older children and teenagers find themselves without the daily structure school provides.

Until now, the focus has been on the necessity of drastic action to try to suppress the spread of the virus, the provision of finances to support businesses and the readiness, or otherwise, of various national health systems. How long will it now be before other factors come to the fore? Things like, how do you cope with the tensions that can arise within a family when its members are forced to remain under the same roof for 24 hours a day, perhaps for weeks or months? Teenagers, so often renowned for their social activity, are now expected to remain in social isolation. Already, I have seen a variety of schemes and suggestions for parents of younger children about how to keep them entertained at home for extended periods, but nowhere have I seen anything that discusses how to help teenagers and their parents not just survive the pressures, but to come through the pandemic control measures stronger for the experience.

Issues for teenagers working from home

To a very large extent, a teenager’s life revolves around school. It is their place of work, and the nature of their work is the learning that takes place there. Of necessity, school is highly structured: everyone knows where they should be and what they should be doing throughout the school day. Alongside the workload, which can be intense, friendship groups thrive within the school community, providing for many the basis for their social life outside school. Almost without warning, all this has been taken away. With schools closed, teenagers are expected to work from home. The support of their peer group, with whom they are used to spending the bulk of each day, has suddenly been removed.

So, what might be the issues for which parents should look out?

  • Loss of structure. Even if your teenager’s school provides a full distance-learning programme, the structure will likely be considerably less rigid than the structure of daily school attendance, perhaps leaving significant periods for self-directed study.
  • The personal vacuum created by the loss of structure may lead to an inability to focus or to initiate meaningful work. Staring blankly at a computer screen, reading words without taking in their meaning, giving up the attempt to understand at the first hurdle, always finding something that needs doing to avoid the work that should be the focus – these are just some of the forms prevarication might take.
  • Lack of personal organisation and time-management. Of course, some teenagers excel both in their personal organisation and in the way they manage their time. But many do not. For those whose rooms seem to resemble a rubbish tip, and whose ability to store work in some form of retrievable system seems non-existent, working from home could develop rapidly into a nightmare.
  • Concerns about the approaching exam season. It is not unusual for teenagers to feel some apprehension as the summer exam season approaches in the northern hemisphere. For older teenagers, their future direction depends on the outcome of their exams. Preparing for those exams in isolation is very different from preparing as a year group in school, and may increase concerns for some. Added to this, the question in the back of their minds will be whether the exams will actually take place this year and what will happen to their future plans if exams are cancelled.
  • Distorted balance between work, rest and social interaction. Maintaining a healthy balance between these different aspects of life can be tricky for teenagers at the best of times. The sudden change of the parameters within life must be lived could lead to all manner of distortions of a healthy balance.
  • The issues outlined above, along with heightened family tensions arising from forced household isolation and a sense of loneliness arising from the physical absence of the close friends around whom life revolves for so many teenagers, could lead to increased levels of anxiety. The danger will become more acute if the situation is prolonged, as some are suggesting will be necessary, for several months. There may be times when fears for their own personal safety, and that of their family and friends, dominate and anxiety peaks for a while. It will be especially important for parents to look out for signs of increased anxiety or panic and offer a calm response.

How can parents support teenagers?

Many parents will struggle themselves to cope with the changes being imposed on them by the current situation. The normal pattern of going out to work each day, or of meeting other parents within an extended school community, provides a measure of relief from family pressures. For the time being, such opportunities for relief have been removed, and the pressures will increase with each day of family members being isolated within the family home. Within that context, parents need to find ways to try to help their teenagers cope with, and gain from, the experience of isolation. So, what can parents do to offer support? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Expect and anticipate tensions. Tensions will arise, not necessarily in the first week, but probably sooner than we might expect. Everyone in the household is having to adapt at the same time to new circumstances that have been forced upon them, and with restrictions on movement outside the home, tensions will increase and erupt if not faced and addressed. Families that recognise the inevitability of tension, who anticipate where the points of friction will be, and who can work together to negotiate compromises, are more likely to find solutions that will work for the whole family. Honest recognition of the tensions and working hard to resolve them within the family is a strong model that parents can set before their teenagers in the current circumstances, and one that will lay an excellent basis for all manner of aspects in the future lives of their teenagers.
  • Establish a schedule. All members of the family will benefit if an agreed daily schedule can be established from the outset that will give time for the work each family member needs to complete and provide time, also, for other family activities within the home. For those teenagers whose planning skills are not yet sufficiently developed for them to be able to do this unaided, offer to help them draft a personal timetable each week with regard to their school work. This will contribute to the development of a valuable life skill as well as helping to compensate for the loss of structure caused to teenagers by school closure.
  • Give responsibility. Encourage your teenager to take responsibility for the smooth-running of some area of family life, not just taking out the trash. Real responsibility will help your teenager feel they are a valued member of the household, and able to make a valid contribution to its shared life.
  • Be available to listen and talk. Sometimes teenagers do not wish to talk with their parents about their difficulties, fears and hopes; but sometimes they do. Being available, without becoming pushy, so that teenagers can talk when they are ready to do so, is a valuable means of support in times of tension.
  • Give space, even where there is none. There will be times when your teenager simply needs space and permission to be on their own. If your household inhabits a small living space, this will be especially difficult, but recognising when your teenager needs such space and finding ways to create that space could be a hugely important contribution to the diffusion of tension. Helping your teenager to recognise that others within the household have similar needs and making their contribution to allowing others space (from their music for example) is another important aspect of learning to contribute to a strong family life.
  • Family conferencing. The development of a weekly family conference, where difficulties can be expressed and mutually-owned solutions developed, could be an approach that some families might find useful. It is certainly a route to involving the entire family in recognising each other’s difficulties and promoting active participation in family decision-making.
  • Fun helps relieve tension. The global situation of a health pandemic is a serious situation. However, finding ways for the family to have fun together will help relieve some of the tensions, and will help them keep a healthier perspective on the difficulties that have forced them together into household isolation.
  • Understanding the broader perspective. Teenagers sometimes lack the experience to see a broader perspective that extends beyond their own needs, fears and aspirations. Parents have an important role to play here through their own reflection and discussion with their teenagers. For example, understanding that the need for family isolation is as much about protecting others in society by limiting the spread of the virus as it is about protecting themselves and their immediate family, is an important broader perspective. If teenagers can be helped to develop an appreciation of such broader perspectives through this present experience, then parents will have taken an important step towards bringing something positive from a serious situation. Discussion around the subject of reliable sources of information might be a good place to start.

And finally …

Social media – help or hindrance? Social media offers a means by which teenagers can keep in touch with each other during the time of physical isolation from their friends. In terms of school work, it offers a means of peer consultation that is essential to learning. It is also a medium through which teenagers will likely wish to remain informed about what is happening in the world outside their home and, in particular, with regard to the fight against the virus that has caused the pandemic. However, there needs to be a balance so that social media is not allowed to become the sole source for information or the means by which school work is avoided completely. Helping teenagers to develop a sense of control of their social media, rather than allowing it to control them, will be a further valuable way in which parents can support their teenagers through the present crisis.

Supporting teenagers in the face of death. Given the number of deaths projected to result from the pandemic, most of us will know someone who dies as a result of contracting this virus. For our teenagers, this may mean the loss of an elderly relative, of a close family member, or of a friend. For many teenagers, this might be their first experience of being faced by the death of someone they know. In such circumstances, knowing they have permission to grieve in whatever way they find natural and helpful, to be sad at their loss, to mourn the person who has died, to express their grief, anger and sense of loss, is vital. Here, more than in any other area, parents who make themselves available to listen, comfort and talk, will provide an invaluable support to their teenagers at a point of genuine crisis in their lives.

The importance of hope. Human beings need to know there is hope. The pandemic is the most serious global situation that most of our teenagers will ever have experienced, but they need to know that it will not last for ever and they need to learn to see such events in perspective. Helping their teenagers to develop a realistic sense of hope in difficult times is yet another way in which parents can offer invaluable support through the present difficulties.

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