Supporting teenagers through school closure in a pandemic

The last few weeks have changed life for many people in a way few could ever have imagined. In one family after another, one or both parents now find themselves working from home, care facilities for younger children have been withdrawn. With the closure of schools, older children and teenagers find themselves without the daily structure school provides.

Until now, the focus has been on the necessity of drastic action to try to suppress the spread of the virus, the provision of finances to support businesses and the readiness, or otherwise, of various national health systems. How long will it now be before other factors come to the fore? Things like, how do you cope with the tensions that can arise within a family when its members are forced to remain under the same roof for 24 hours a day, perhaps for weeks or months? Teenagers, so often renowned for their social activity, are now expected to remain in social isolation. Already, I have seen a variety of schemes and suggestions for parents of younger children about how to keep them entertained at home for extended periods, but nowhere have I seen anything that discusses how to help teenagers and their parents not just survive the pressures, but to come through the pandemic control measures stronger for the experience.

Issues for teenagers working from home

To a very large extent, a teenager’s life revolves around school. It is their place of work, and the nature of their work is the learning that takes place there. Of necessity, school is highly structured: everyone knows where they should be and what they should be doing throughout the school day. Alongside the workload, which can be intense, friendship groups thrive within the school community, providing for many the basis for their social life outside school. Almost without warning, all this has been taken away. With schools closed, teenagers are expected to work from home. The support of their peer group, with whom they are used to spending the bulk of each day, has suddenly been removed.

So, what might be the issues for which parents should look out?

  • Loss of structure. Even if your teenager’s school provides a full distance-learning programme, the structure will likely be considerably less rigid than the structure of daily school attendance, perhaps leaving significant periods for self-directed study.
  • The personal vacuum created by the loss of structure may lead to an inability to focus or to initiate meaningful work. Staring blankly at a computer screen, reading words without taking in their meaning, giving up the attempt to understand at the first hurdle, always finding something that needs doing to avoid the work that should be the focus – these are just some of the forms prevarication might take.
  • Lack of personal organisation and time-management. Of course, some teenagers excel both in their personal organisation and in the way they manage their time. But many do not. For those whose rooms seem to resemble a rubbish tip, and whose ability to store work in some form of retrievable system seems non-existent, working from home could develop rapidly into a nightmare.
  • Concerns about the approaching exam season. It is not unusual for teenagers to feel some apprehension as the summer exam season approaches in the northern hemisphere. For older teenagers, their future direction depends on the outcome of their exams. Preparing for those exams in isolation is very different from preparing as a year group in school, and may increase concerns for some. Added to this, the question in the back of their minds will be whether the exams will actually take place this year and what will happen to their future plans if exams are cancelled.
  • Distorted balance between work, rest and social interaction. Maintaining a healthy balance between these different aspects of life can be tricky for teenagers at the best of times. The sudden change of the parameters within life must be lived could lead to all manner of distortions of a healthy balance.
  • The issues outlined above, along with heightened family tensions arising from forced household isolation and a sense of loneliness arising from the physical absence of the close friends around whom life revolves for so many teenagers, could lead to increased levels of anxiety. The danger will become more acute if the situation is prolonged, as some are suggesting will be necessary, for several months. There may be times when fears for their own personal safety, and that of their family and friends, dominate and anxiety peaks for a while. It will be especially important for parents to look out for signs of increased anxiety or panic and offer a calm response.

How can parents support teenagers?

Many parents will struggle themselves to cope with the changes being imposed on them by the current situation. The normal pattern of going out to work each day, or of meeting other parents within an extended school community, provides a measure of relief from family pressures. For the time being, such opportunities for relief have been removed, and the pressures will increase with each day of family members being isolated within the family home. Within that context, parents need to find ways to try to help their teenagers cope with, and gain from, the experience of isolation. So, what can parents do to offer support? Here are a few suggestions:

  • Expect and anticipate tensions. Tensions will arise, not necessarily in the first week, but probably sooner than we might expect. Everyone in the household is having to adapt at the same time to new circumstances that have been forced upon them, and with restrictions on movement outside the home, tensions will increase and erupt if not faced and addressed. Families that recognise the inevitability of tension, who anticipate where the points of friction will be, and who can work together to negotiate compromises, are more likely to find solutions that will work for the whole family. Honest recognition of the tensions and working hard to resolve them within the family is a strong model that parents can set before their teenagers in the current circumstances, and one that will lay an excellent basis for all manner of aspects in the future lives of their teenagers.
  • Establish a schedule. All members of the family will benefit if an agreed daily schedule can be established from the outset that will give time for the work each family member needs to complete and provide time, also, for other family activities within the home. For those teenagers whose planning skills are not yet sufficiently developed for them to be able to do this unaided, offer to help them draft a personal timetable each week with regard to their school work. This will contribute to the development of a valuable life skill as well as helping to compensate for the loss of structure caused to teenagers by school closure.
  • Give responsibility. Encourage your teenager to take responsibility for the smooth-running of some area of family life, not just taking out the trash. Real responsibility will help your teenager feel they are a valued member of the household, and able to make a valid contribution to its shared life.
  • Be available to listen and talk. Sometimes teenagers do not wish to talk with their parents about their difficulties, fears and hopes; but sometimes they do. Being available, without becoming pushy, so that teenagers can talk when they are ready to do so, is a valuable means of support in times of tension.
  • Give space, even where there is none. There will be times when your teenager simply needs space and permission to be on their own. If your household inhabits a small living space, this will be especially difficult, but recognising when your teenager needs such space and finding ways to create that space could be a hugely important contribution to the diffusion of tension. Helping your teenager to recognise that others within the household have similar needs and making their contribution to allowing others space (from their music for example) is another important aspect of learning to contribute to a strong family life.
  • Family conferencing. The development of a weekly family conference, where difficulties can be expressed and mutually-owned solutions developed, could be an approach that some families might find useful. It is certainly a route to involving the entire family in recognising each other’s difficulties and promoting active participation in family decision-making.
  • Fun helps relieve tension. The global situation of a health pandemic is a serious situation. However, finding ways for the family to have fun together will help relieve some of the tensions, and will help them keep a healthier perspective on the difficulties that have forced them together into household isolation.
  • Understanding the broader perspective. Teenagers sometimes lack the experience to see a broader perspective that extends beyond their own needs, fears and aspirations. Parents have an important role to play here through their own reflection and discussion with their teenagers. For example, understanding that the need for family isolation is as much about protecting others in society by limiting the spread of the virus as it is about protecting themselves and their immediate family, is an important broader perspective. If teenagers can be helped to develop an appreciation of such broader perspectives through this present experience, then parents will have taken an important step towards bringing something positive from a serious situation. Discussion around the subject of reliable sources of information might be a good place to start.

And finally …

Social media – help or hindrance? Social media offers a means by which teenagers can keep in touch with each other during the time of physical isolation from their friends. In terms of school work, it offers a means of peer consultation that is essential to learning. It is also a medium through which teenagers will likely wish to remain informed about what is happening in the world outside their home and, in particular, with regard to the fight against the virus that has caused the pandemic. However, there needs to be a balance so that social media is not allowed to become the sole source for information or the means by which school work is avoided completely. Helping teenagers to develop a sense of control of their social media, rather than allowing it to control them, will be a further valuable way in which parents can support their teenagers through the present crisis.

Supporting teenagers in the face of death. Given the number of deaths projected to result from the pandemic, most of us will know someone who dies as a result of contracting this virus. For our teenagers, this may mean the loss of an elderly relative, of a close family member, or of a friend. For many teenagers, this might be their first experience of being faced by the death of someone they know. In such circumstances, knowing they have permission to grieve in whatever way they find natural and helpful, to be sad at their loss, to mourn the person who has died, to express their grief, anger and sense of loss, is vital. Here, more than in any other area, parents who make themselves available to listen, comfort and talk, will provide an invaluable support to their teenagers at a point of genuine crisis in their lives.

The importance of hope. Human beings need to know there is hope. The pandemic is the most serious global situation that most of our teenagers will ever have experienced, but they need to know that it will not last for ever and they need to learn to see such events in perspective. Helping their teenagers to develop a realistic sense of hope in difficult times is yet another way in which parents can offer invaluable support through the present difficulties.

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Teenagers and the new school year

The months of August and September bring the start of a new academic year for schools throughout the northern hemisphere. For some, it will bring the challenge of attending a new school, but even for those returning to the same school, the new school year need not be merely a repetition of the patterns of the past.

The teenage years are a time of bewildering change. Most teenagers, most of the time, cope well with a myriad of changes as they journey from childhood to adulthood. For the most part, the changes are gradual, part of an on-going process of development to which teenagers become accustomed. From time to time, however, there come changes that are of a greater magnitude, that are more comprehensive in nature: starting a new school is a good example of such a change.

Often, attending a new school will coincide with the transition to a higher level of education, introducing students to subjects they may not have studied before. The teachers at the new school will likely have different expectations of their students than was the case previously, and this can mean an increased workload. Getting to know a new group of fellow-students has its attractions, but there will be the unspoken competition between them as a social order is established within the new peer group.

For others, of course, the new school year means a return to the same school. However, many of the challenges referred to above may still be present, even if the environment feels familiar. For some returners, the return to the familiar may bring its own fears, especially in the case of those haunted by past mistakes or failures. The extent to which we allow ourselves to be defined by our past is an issue for all of us, whatever our stage in life, but for teenagers in the process of shaping their adult identity, the overcoming of the negative perceptions of those within a school community as to their character or capabilities can be a task of truly mammoth proportions.

Whatever the situation of the individual teenager, however, there is an undeniable element of opportunity with the annual beginning of a new school year. Difficulties there may be, but a new school year brings the undeniable opportunity of a fresh start. Things can be different; the past can be transcended; it is possible to move on from past mistakes; it is possible for a new school year to turn out to be successful – even when the challenges seem to outweigh the possibilities. The key question is “How?”

Advice for parents

Give attention to the basics. It is surprising how often teenagers ignore the basics of personal care and hygiene, such as ensuring they get enough sleep, eat regularly and healthily, exercise and shower daily. In and of themselves, these things will not ensure a student’s success. However, ignoring such basic lifestyle issues can lead to all manner of subsequent difficulties. Students who fall asleep in class, or who are wilting mid-morning because they skipped breakfast, or who find themselves excluded from group activities due to their body odour, are not in the best condition to perform well in class. Parents have an important role to help their teenagers get the basics right and the beginning of a school year is a good time to revisit such issues.

Be interested. There will be times in the lives of many teenagers when they may not want to talk about how things are going, but it is important nevertheless that parents communicate their interest by asking questions and taking time to listen. Understanding how school is different for today’s teenagers than it was in their parents’ day is important for any meaningful discussion. Important also is the realisation that there is no necessary correlation between the preferences of parents and their children when it comes to academic subjects. At its root, it might appear that the complex world of teenage social relationships is the same as it has ever been, but the social media-dominated environment in which such relationships have to be worked out and experienced today will be alien to those of former generations.

Face fear. If your teenager expresses fears about any aspect of their school life and education, or about their social world and its impact on their schooling, it is important to take what they say seriously. Never dismiss fears out of hand, since it could be devastating to a teenager who has struggled to express their fears to feel they are being ignored. It is always better to face fears squarely rather than avoid them. Wherever possible, encourage your teenager to explore the best way forward with your support. If there are serious issues underlying the fear, encourage your teenager to involve the school, again with whatever support they desire from you.

Talk about targets/goals. The question of goals or targets for the school year is one with which students these days will be familiar since many schools attach importance to student-set targets. Encouraging teenagers to think about their goals and to review progress towards them from time to time is one way parents can participate in the on-going education of their children. It is important, at all times, for the student to be supported as they formulate their own goals. Self-determined goals are far more likely to receive active “buy-in” from your teenager than parental- or teacher-set goals, and so far more likely to contribute to sustainable progress.

Advice for teachers and schools

Keep an eye out for those who might be struggling. It is always important that teachers keep an eye out for students who might be struggling, but especially at the beginning of the school year, and especially if students are new to the school. The simple act of enquiring if everything is OK conveys the message to the student that somebody cares, and this may be all they require to be able to find the strength to address whatever is concerning them. Occasionally, such an enquiry may provide a “relief-valve” for the student to be able to express their concerns before they grow to unmanageable proportions.

Give everyone a fair chance. The vast majority of the teachers with whom I have worked over the years will do all in their power to ensure that every student is given a fair chance. Occasionally, especially if a student joining their class has a reputation, teachers find it more difficult. However, in such cases it is even more important that students feel they are being given that fair chance. An early, honest conversation with the student that acknowledges the reputation but which makes it clear they start in the class with a clean slate may be a helpful way of trying to start the year on the right foot. In the past, when I have seen students rescue a school career following a disastrous episode, the recovery has almost invariably involved an individual teacher who believed in them, even when the student did not believe they deserved a fresh start.

Set a positive tone for the year. Getting the year off to a good start is invaluable for all the students in the class. I would encourage teachers to set high standards for their classes from the outset, to model those standards, and to hold their students to the same standards.

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