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Teenagers Take Risks

One of the recurring nightmares for parents of teenagers is that their teenager will participate in a genuinely risky activity, will take one risk too many, and that things will go wrong. With activities such as binge drinking, drug experimentation, dangerous driving, illegal activities, risky sexual practices, and unrestricted online encounters all on the list of possible areas for risk-taking, the seriousness of the consequences for some teenagers can easily be imagined.

Compared to those in both younger and older age-groups, adolescents and young adults take more risks. A variety of explanations has been suggested as to why this might be, including teenage hormone levels, the stage of their brain development, the need to explore for personality development, an attempt to break away from parental control, and that it reflects a common response to peer pressure and the desire to be included. None of these have received acceptance as a universal explanation for teenage risk-taking, but they have all received recognition as partial explanations for this widely observed phenomenon. This suggests the reasons for teenage risk-taking may be some form of complex combination of the above, with varying levels of significance attributed to each contributing cause according to the individual teenager and the communities from which they come.

Most commentators agree that risk-taking is a part of what might be termed “normal teenage behaviour”, part of the natural process of growing up. So, despite the understandable desire of some parents to prevent all forms of risk-taking, to do so should be regarded as ill-advised. If the freedom to explore and to try new things is part of the natural growing-up process, as it seems to be, then to obstruct it would be counter-productive to the goal of preparing teenagers for adulthood. On the other hand, if it is possible to moderate the more serious instances of risk-taking, so as to reduce the extreme dangers while still allowing room for experimentation and growth, then that would seem to be the preferred approach. This is the approach I shall pursue through the remainder of this article. 

Advice for Parents

Manage the risk-taking environment for younger teenagers. Finding a “safe” environment within which younger teenagers can experience the thrill of risk-taking is one avenue of approach that parents can explore. Family days out, perhaps taking along a few friends, to managed adventure activities is one way of helping younger teenagers experience the thrill of adventure and risk-taking within an environment where the risk-taking is managed to ensure safety, as far as possible. Roller coasters at theme parks, rope courses through the trees, zip wires, rock climbing, hiking, river rafting… are a few examples of the types of activity that carry the possibility of thrill-seeking for families and friends within a managed environment. Parents should be aware, too, that adventure activities are not the answer for every teenager. Some will gain more by way of thrill from performing drama, music or dance in front of a large audience. Parents will need to choose the activities in consultation with their young teenagers, taking into account the level of adventure and type of risk-taking to which they are suited. By supporting and engaging in such activities, the bond between parents and their teenagers can be strengthened, and the hope is that the thrill experienced in such ways will lessen the likelihood that the teenagers will feel the need to go and seek their thrills in other, unsupervised, environments.

Get to know their friends. Parents should be aware that teenagers are more likely to take risks when with a group of their peers than at other times. Vulnerability to peer pressure seems to peak at around the age of fifteen, so once again, this is a crucial factor of which parents of younger teenagers need to be aware. Making your home available for your teenager’s friends to hang out gives a great opportunity for getting to know their friends. Seeing your own teenager interact with their peer group at close quarters can tell you all manner of things about them and about the nature of the group dynamics in operation within the peer group. Such insights can be invaluable in subsequent private conversations with your teenager. Contrary to popular myth, teenagers are interested in finding out what adults think, and once they trust you, they may well ask about all manner of things. Being in a position to advise your teenager and their friends and to influence them with regard to the type of risks they might consider taking or avoiding is both a privilege and a responsibility.

Engage in straight talk with your teenager about risk-taking, dangers and possible consequences. At times, teenagers choose to go against their parents’ best advice. Parents cannot always prevent this from happening, but they can ensure that any such decisions by their teenager are at least taken from the position of being informed about the risks, dangers and consequences of their choices and actions. Some parents find it difficult to talk with their teenagers about such matters as alcohol and drugs, or unprotected sexual activity, but a few minutes of discomfort whilst engaging in straight talk about such matters is far better than prolonged periods of regret for not having talked through such matters in the aftermath of poor choices having led to serious consequences. An ongoing dialogue throughout the teenage years is the best context for such conversations, within which your teenager knows they can raise whatever issues with you that they wish and that you will always do your best to talk the matter through and give your best advice, even when they don’t like what you are saying. As an article in the New York Times expressed it, “… adolescents who have open lines of communication with their folks and describe their parents as available and understanding are less likely to engage in dangerous behavior”.

Be prepared to support your teenager through the consequences of their choices about risk-taking. Sometimes your teenager will heed your advice; sometimes they will choose otherwise. Whatever their choices, whatever risks they take, and whatever the consequences if things go wrong, parents need to avoid absolving their teenagers of responsibility and to offer support as they work through the consequences of their choices. Teenagers will take risks, they will make mistakes, but the essential thing is that they are helped to learn from those mistakes as they continue their journey towards adulthood.

Teenage risk-taking can be a worrying subject for parents, so perspective is important. As a research study undertaken at the university of Pennsylvania into adolescent risk-taking concludes, “For the vast majority of adolescents … this period of development passes without substance dependence, sexually transmitted infection, pregnancy, homicide, depression, suicide, or death due to car crashes.”

Advice for Teachers and Schools

Promote safety. Schools and teachers carry a responsibility for the safety of their students during the time they are in school or engaged in school-related activities. The spirit in which that responsibility is carried out communicates a great deal to students about a school’s attitude towards them. Safety can descend to the level of a box-ticking exercise. Concern about student safety can become submerged in a mass of procedural minutiae, from which students and teachers long to break free. However, genuine concern for student safety, backed up by clear communication about why procedures are necessary and which include the responsibility of students to look out for each other, can help shape the value students place on their own safety and that of their peers. This can provide a valuable context and framework within which those same teenagers will operate when making their own decisions about the kind of risks they are prepared to countenance.

Promote activities that challenge teenagers. Many schools give students opportunities to participate in the Performing Arts, where they can experience the challenge and excitement of performance before an audience. Many schools also offer group activities around the themes of adventure and service, thereby providing in a controlled manner the kind of thrills teenagers often seek. Teachers who have seen the effects of teenagers being encouraged to perform publically, or being exposed to cultures other their own through participation in international development projects, or who have accompanied expeditions, will readily attest to their value as learning opportunities. Teenagers who have the opportunity to find challenge and thrill through extra-curricular activities and programmes facilitated by schools will often talk, even years later, of the enormous influence for good such opportunities provided them during their teenage years, and about the life-shaping effects they experienced through them.

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Teenagers and Sexting

Sexting refers to the electronic sending, receiving or forwarding of sexually explicit messages, photos or videos. For most teenagers, it seems to involve nude or semi-nude photographs.

The more excitable elements of the press would have us believe that sexting is something in which virtually all teenagers are involved, but in reality that is probably far from the truth. Surveys I have seen give varying estimates of the proportion of teenagers likely to be involved in sexting, and these estimates average out to around 20%.

Sexting can come about in a variety of ways. Often it will start out as a private activity between two teenagers who have or want a relationship with each other. In this case, the dangers lie chiefly in what the sexting might lead to, especially if the relationship goes sour or breaks up. The image might have been shared originally with the unspoken assumption that it was intended only for the eyes of the two people in the relationship, but the rupture of the relationship can lead to the image being circulated more widely as revenge. In such a case, it is the electronic nature of the communication that puts the incident on a level that is beyond the experience of former generations. Whereas previously, a grainy photograph might have been shown around amongst a group of friends by a jilted lover in an attempt to embarrass the other person, now the image can be made available to literally thousands of viewers in seconds, especially if the image is uploaded to a social media site.

For some, sexting comes about as a result of peer pressure. The teenager is led to believe that “everybody’s doing it” and that the route to popularity is through participation. Sadly, for a number, this is not the case, and the images become the tools to be used by unscrupulous peers in cyberbullying. For others still, sexting may be the result of coercion, perhaps from someone they have met online, who has gained their confidence and persuaded them to upload images.

The legal status of sexting depends primarily on the age of the person in the image. If they are under 18, the transmission of electronic nude images (even of oneself) is likely to be regarded in law as the distribution of child pornography. In most countries this is a very serious offence that could lead to a jail term and to having one’s name recorded on a register of sex offenders.

Having compromising pictures in circulation amongst one’s peers can be a devastating experience for a teenager. The humiliation and embarrassment of the image being circulated in one’s peer community may, of course, be short-lived. For some, however, it can lead to years of ridicule, social exclusion and loss of self-confidence. It has certainly led to some having to move and change school in an attempt to escape the fallout. In the longer-term, the virtual permanence of items on the Internet brings potential consequences that seem to elude many teenagers, but it means there is always a risk of potential universities and employers uncovering the material and in some areas that could prove fatal to a promising career.

Advice for parents

If you can help your teenager develop a strong sense of their own worth as an individual, that may help them find the strength to resist peer pressure to send images of themselves should they experience it. Similarly, a strong sense of the worth of others will provide a firm base for the way they are prepared to deal with any material that might come to them from others.

Talk honestly about sexting with your teenager. As so often seems to be the case, meaningful conversations about this issue are best conducted outside of the charged atmosphere of personal involvement in an incident. Wise parents will find opportunities to talk occasionally with their teenagers about the subject, making clear the possible consequences, such as are discussed above, that could follow from their involvement in sexting . Additionally, advise them never to send images of themselves that they wouldn’t be happy to show their granny (or whoever happens to be their favourite relative).

Your teenager receives unsolicited images of others. Given the nature of social media apps, it is quite possible that your teenager could receive images of others that they have not solicited: perhaps the material has been circulated to all members of a group of which they happen to be a member, for example. Getting them to consider how they might want a friend to act if that friend were to receive a compromising image of them might represent a way to helping them find a solution. I believe also that one of the hard lines of which teenagers should be made aware is that if they receive such material, they ought never to forward it to others.

Your teenager has already forwarded images of others before talking with you about it. Without becoming overly critical, I believe it is possible to express disappointment in your teenger’s decision-making in circumstances such as this. Seeking to have them reflect on what their action says about the value of the person in the image may be the start of a way forward. From there, I believe the emphasis should be on helping your teenager find ways to redress the situation as far as that is possible. This may include them approaching those to whom the material was sent to get them to delete it, seeking to get material removed from social media sites if it has been uploaded, involving the school authorities if the others involved are from the same school. So far as possible, I would advise seeking to make the matter a learning opportunity for your teenager, not shielding them from uncomfortable consequences but reassuring them that you are there to support them through the experience.

Your teenager has sent images of themselves to others. Initially, try not to panic, since ultimately such a reaction will likely do more harm than good to your relationship with your teenager. There are two categories of issue here: (i) what to do about trying to limit the damage; (ii) why they sent the images of themselves in the first place. The natural tendency for most of us will be to start with the second point concerning their motivation. However, by working with them firstly on the practical level of trying to limit the damage, we may enable trust to grow in them for the deeper exploration that needs to follow.

(i) Limiting the damage. This might include seeking the deletion of the images by those to whom they were sent; brokering discussion with the person to whom the images were sent and their parents; accompanying your teenager to school authorities or the police, depending on the seriousness of the incident and the ages of those involved.

(ii) Examining the motivation. I suggest that generally it would be a mistake to view the images, even if they are offered. The aim of exploring the motivation of your teenager in sending the images originally should be that of helping them to learn about themselves from what has happened and about how they might handle situations differently in future. Through such discussions, always remember that teenagers make mistakes – it’s part of growing up – and the most important thing is that they learn from their mistakes. There will be times in some families where parents might need to involve a professional to explore the underlying issues with their teenager in order for there to be a beneficial outcome from such discussions.

Advice for teachers

Restrict communication with students to official channels. The main danger for teachers with regard to sexting is that of being drawn into it unwittingly. That could happen easily if the teacher shares their personal contact details with students and is a member alongside students of groups in text apps. Simply having received the material as a member of a group means that the teacher then has on their phone compromising material of one of their students. This could be more than unfortunate for the teacher and their career if a police investigation should ensue. Using only official channels, such as a school email address, for communication with students affords the teacher a level of protection.

Be on the lookout for students who are suffering from misuse of their image. On occasion, a trusted teacher might be approached directly by a student for whom sexting has gone sour. Working with the student to find a way forward, or finding someone who is better placed to help them, will be the way forward here. However, a teacher who keeps an ear to the ground for what is happening amongst their students might well pick up on students who are suffering as a result of their image being abused online. In this case, finding an opportunity to chat quietly with the student outside class, might give the opportunity to a student who is feeling increasingly desperate to be able to unload their concerns and find help.

Have strict limits on student banter in the classroom. I suspect a number of students get drawn into sexting “for a bit of a laugh”. Classroom banter can sometimes carry undertones that could contribute to pressure being brought to bear on individuals to participate in sexting. No one wants to lose the opportunity for a class to laugh together at times, providing individuals are not being targeted and ridiculed, but it would be tragic for a teacher to discover subsequently that the banter in their class had been used to pressure individuals into participating in sexting and that it had become a tool for subsequent cyberbullying. Clear limits that disallow inappropriate banter help provide a safe environment for all students in a class.

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Communication…communication…communication!

Communication is an aspect of life about which teenagers sometimes receive a bad press, as is evidenced by the widespread caricature of the moody, sullen teenager. The public persona, with hood up, earpieces in, hair hanging over downward-directed eyes, sends out the message that communication is off the agenda.

At home, the closed bedroom door, perhaps with “do not enter/disturb” notices prominently displayed, sends a similar message. The noise level within the room can render even shouted messages inaudible. By contrast, family meals can sometimes be painfully silent, with monosyllabic responses representing the sole contribution to human dialogue. The apparently superior attractiveness of the computer or smartphone screen over a person can be a further deterrent to any form of conversation within the home.

At school, different dynamics come into play. Some shrink from social interaction, choosing to become practically invisible. Even when addressed with a direct question, the only response might be a frightened, silent stare. Others put on such a performance to project an image for the benefit of their peers that anyone attempting to communicate with them becomes part of the supporting cast.

The above are all one-sided caricatures, all of which I have seen multiple times. They represent a partial picture. In my experience, there are as many teenagers who communicate frequently and naturally, as there are teenagers who avoid communication. However, that does not take away from the fact that many adults find communication with teenagers difficult. So let’s remind ourselves of the nature of communication.

The Nature of Communication

Communication requires two (or more) people. It follows that where communication is difficult between two parties, the reasons could lie with either party or with both. Before jumping to accuse teenagers for being at fault when there are communication difficulties, then, I suggest we pause and first ask ourselves whether the reason might not lie, at least in part, with those of us who are adults. The reasons could be many: fear of engaging with those from a culture we do not understand; lack of self-confidence that makes us worry we might be shown up as foolish or mocked by those who are younger; not being able to find the energy for what we perceive will be an uphill task. Whatever the reason, we need to understand that if part of the reason for the communication difficulty resides with us, then that is the part over which we have direct control and which we need to address if we genuinely want the communication to improve.

Communication is a two-way activity. Good communication requires parties to engage in speaking and in listening – in turn! If our interactions with teenagers stem from the need to “set them straight”; or if we rush in to accuse or criticise when they have only had the chance to utter half a sentence, then it should come as no surprise to us if we leave the interaction feeling that communication was unsuccessful. The old saying that two ears and one mouth are an indication that we should listen twice as much as we speak has some truth in it! Being prepared to listen and to hear, even when we do not like the message, is fundamental to communicating with teenagers. Of course, there is a place for responding and challenging, but sometimes, if we take the time to listen and hear, then the need for us to “have our say” might well go away.

Suggestions for Parents

The recent holiday period will have thrown many families together for unusually long periods of time. For a number of families, communication will likely have become an issue at some point. If our family is one in which there is ordinarily little communication between the adult and teenage members, this ought not to surprise us. The expectation that families who do not ordinarily communicate can be thrown together for an extended period and experience smooth communication throughout is unreasonable.

Create good conditions for communication by making it a regular feature of the life of your family. This will work out differently for each family. For some it will revolve around eating together as a family; for others it may mean becoming involved in a shared activity; for others it might require the carving out of a time that is regarded as sacrosanct by all members of the family. How it happens is not the issue here, but it is important that it does happen. If it has not been the habit of your family to make time for communication, it will be difficult at first, but communication generally becomes easier with practice. A time of crisis comes to most families at some point. It is during those times of crisis that the ability to communicate is crucially important, and regular communication is the best possible preparation for those times.

Model active listening. An active listener sets out to hear what a person is really saying, rather than resting content with thinking they know what is being said or hearing what they want to hear. Conflict is much more likely to find a satisfactory resolution when both parties understand and practise active listening. Parents who listen actively to their teenagers have a higher chance of getting to know what are genuinely their teenager’s concerns. Additionally, by modelling this approach to communication within the family, they increase the likelihood that the teenagers themselves will learn this important life skill that can transform communication.

Take the risk of talking about taboo subjects. Most of us have subjects about which we find it difficult to talk. They can be because of the personal nature of the subject, such as sexual matters or intimate feelings; they can arise from religious beliefs or cultural assumptions linked to our heritage. Learning to overcome our personal reluctance to address such topics from time to time, using straight-forward, clear language, is a valuable approach to model for our teenagers. Frequently, these are the very topics about which our teenagers are seeking information and advice. All too frequently they become the topics on which they turn to their peers for that advice because they are aware of the taboo nature of the subject for us. However valuable a contribution their peers might be able to make to helping them reflect on the issues, they are probably not the issues that we want to leave entirely at the mercy of peer influence.

Suggestions for Teachers

In some respects, teachers are professional communicators. What we are dealing with in this article, however, goes beyond the transfer of academic information and skills. How does our communication in the classroom influence the ability of the teenage students to communicate effectively?

Model effective workplace communication. Learning how to communicate effectively for the workplace is an important element of learning for teenagers. Teachers make a valuable contribution to this aspect of education by ensuring that their classroom communication embodies respect for others, values differences and approaches problems with an open mind. With such approaches modelled by the teacher, it becomes easier to establish these as standards for communication amongst members of the class.

Say what you mean, and conversely, if you don’t mean it, don’t say it. Teenagers are exposed to all manner of communication online and in the media: exaggerated claims from politicians, uses of hyperbole in advertising, celebrity boasts, and so on. The lines are not always clear between persuasion, argument and advocacy, on the one hand, and abuse, threats and coercion, on the other. Language is a powerful communication tool and how teachers use it in the classroom and how they help their students decipher the message being communicated is another valuable element of a teenager’s education about communication.

Challenge the peer games that obstruct communication. Communication is such an important aspect of human life and society that it is crucial for teenagers to learn how to communicate effectively. The refusal to allow the peer power games of teenage social interaction a place in the classroom is another valuable way in which teachers convey the value of communication and the power of its proper use.

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