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Teenagers and Career Choices

I still remember a talk from the “careers teacher” when I was at school, back in the 1970’s. I remember, also, being somewhat sceptical when he claimed that his small, plastic box of index cards contained information about all the known careers that might be open to us. Things have moved on a lot since then, many schools have career guidance specialists on their staff, but the explosion of career opportunities may well mean that today’s teenagers are as ill-informed about the range of possibilities available to them as I consider myself to have been all those years ago.

For today’s teenagers, however, the picture is considerably more confusing than it would have been for teenagers even just a few years ago. The annually increasing pace of technological change has had an enormous impact, and the emergence of increasingly able robots will ensure the pace of change continues to accelerate. This will mean that many current jobs will no longer exist by the time today’s younger teenagers enter the workforce, and many of the careers/jobs upon which today’s teenagers will embark do not even exist at the current time.

Projections concerning the future of employment indicate that today’s teenagers are far less likely to enter lifelong careers than many did in the past. They are likely to work much more in a series of project-based jobs in a kind of portfolio career. This will require the development of new skills and will heighten the importance of resilience. It will also increase the need for retraining at points of transition. Whilst the jobs may change fairly regularly, however, the general area within which a person works seems likely to remain generally consistent. For many teenagers, the choice of a career path will be about setting this general direction.

Advice for parents

Be aware of the following:

  • The world of work has changed considerably since you first entered it. Legal requirements, employer/employee expectations and responsibilities, workplace culture and practices have all changed since you first entered the world of work, resulting in a very different environment for today’s teenager. Recruitment practices and educational expectations have changed too, so make sure the advice you give to your teenager is based on up-to-date knowledge rather than out-of-date personal experiences.
  • Your teenager is a unique individual. Perhaps the biggest mistake a parent can make in the area of career choices is to assume that their teenager will follow in the footsteps of their parent. This simply does not follow automatically, and parents who set out to force their teenagers into their own mould can end up creating years of sadness and resentment in their children. A similar mistake occurs if parents see their children as channels through which they can seek vicariously to live out their own unfulfilled dreams. Your teenager is a unique individual with enormous potential, and it is the role of parents to be helpers to their teenagers in finding the best way for their potential to be realised both for their own good and for that of society.
  • University is not necessarily the best route into a career. For an increasing number of teenagers, a university or college education has come to be seen almost as a rite of passage. For many, it is a good choice; but for others, there are alternative routes that may serve them better as part of their preparation for the future.

Help your teenager discover what is best for them. Reasons that teenagers find it difficult to determine their future path vary enormously. The chosen career direction is laden with life-shaping potential, so it is well worth investing time and resources into making the choice a well-informed one. The teenager’s character, strengths and desires are all important factors. Put simply: some are better suited to some careers than others. As your teenager forms ideas about the direction they may wish to go, encourage them to find some kind of work experience that will help them discover what their potential career path may be like. Voluntary involvement is possible in some career areas; holiday internships might be possible in others; opportunities to meet people from various careers and, if possible, to visit them in their workplace – all these can be useful in helping them gain the insights that will lead to well-informed choices. Through it all, ask questions about their thoughts and experiences to help them clarify their thinking. Get them to explain why they think a particular career is for them. Listen carefully to what they say, challenge their assumptions, suggest a few alternatives they might like to check out, but avoid telling them what to do. Ultimately, their chosen career direction might be one of the most far-reaching decisions they will ever make, so it is important that it is their decision.

Advice for teachers and schools

Help teenagers appreciate a range of opportunities. One of the dangers for teenagers when trying to figure out their career direction is that they simply “fall into” one of the first areas they come across. This can, of course, work out well for some; but for others, it may lead to a lifetime of “If only I’d known …” statements and a persistent feeling of a lack of fulfilment. Schools have an important role in helping teenagers come to an understanding of at least some of the vast range of career opportunities that exist in today’s world. Schools use a variety of approaches, including work placements, vocational discovery programmes, career fairs, etc. Whatever approaches are used, it is important that they are sufficiently varied to be able to inspire interest in a diverse range of students. In this area, schools working cooperatively (for example, across a city) could represent a way of providing a wider range of insights into career opportunities than any one school can hope to provide when operating alone.

Preparation of students for the future is an important focus. The rapidly changing nature of modern society brings new challenges to the schools and teachers of today. If predictions are correct that today’s teenagers are likely to face frequent career changes during their working lives, then adaptability, innovation and resilience will grow in importance. More than ever before, schools need to be looking at ways to ensure their programmes help develop the “people” of the future as well as providing the academic foundations upon which future knowledge developments can take place. The likely need for periodic re-training during the working lives of current teenagers means that education will need to be seen as a lifelong pursuit much more than it is currently. To that end, teachers who can excite students about education and ignite in them a genuine desire for discovery and learning are providing an invaluable preparation for the future, whatever form it may ultimately take.

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Helping Teenagers Learn from Failure

“Teenagers are far more fearful of failure by the time they leave school than they were at 14.” This was one of the findings of a survey of 1000 teenagers, conducted just three years ago in the UK. Furthermore, the report goes on to suggest, fear of failure seems to be spread across society, seemingly unaffected by the socio-economic background of the teenagers surveyed.

Fear of failure can, of course, be a crippling experience at any age. It can lead to a lack of openness to new experiences, a restricted vision of life’s possibilities and reduced hope. It can lead to a complete refusal to take on challenges to avoid failing in the attempt, and ultimately to reduced self-confidence and depression. Such consequences would be serious at any stage in life, but for teenagers in the process of forming their life expectations and setting their life goals, its longer-term effects can be severely restrictive indeed and end in chronic life-long under-achievement.

The prevailing culture of contemporary Western society is very much oriented around success and happiness. These are widely sought and almost universally lauded as fundamental elements of a good life experience. In this context, it is not difficult to understand how failure has developed the reputation of something to be avoided. However, success and happiness do not necessarily go together, nor does the presence of one imply the other. Furthermore, neither success nor happiness is guaranteed by the avoidance of failure, the experience and handling of which may actually make their eventual attainment more likely.

A moment’s reflection will confirm that failure is a ubiquitous human experience. It is not the experience of failure in and of itself that is important, but how we respond to failure and learn from it. On one level, there is the learning from failure that enables us to do better next time. But at a deeper level, there can come the development of character, the growth of resilience and the ability truly to be empathetic with others.

Advice for Parents

It is undeniable that parents often find it painful to see their teenagers suffer the experience of failure. The desire to lessen the pain and to give their teenagers a wholly happy experience of life is understandable. However, I believe it is a mistake for parents always to rush in to try to shield their teenagers from the experience of failure. It is important to keep in mind what might be described as the fundamental purpose of parenting teenagers, namely, that of bringing the teenager safely to the point where they can take on the full responsibilities of adulthood. If our teenagers are given the false impression that life will always appear cloaked in happiness and crowned with success, then they are being fed a false picture of reality. Life is not like that. Happiness and success come bundled up with disappointment and failure, and for teenagers to be equipped to navigate a world of mixed experiences, they need to develop characteristics such as resilience and determination. When failure is faced and responded to constructively, such characteristics are allowed to develop.

Park the helicopter. Helicopter parenting leads to young adults who are ill-equipped to face the modern world with its mixed experiences, including failure. Of course, nobody would suggest that teenagers should be set up to fail, but when failure comes along, responsible parents help teenagers to find a way through the experience and to find ways to learn from it, rather than seeking always to protect them from it.

Talk about failure. If discussion of failure and what can be learned from it becomes a normal part of family conversation, the fear of failure will be diminished. If teenagers see that their parents are not afraid of failure, be it their own or that of their children, they are more likely to face their own failures and see them as learning opportunities. Honest discussion of failure when it happens helps set this aspect of our humanity in a healthy perspective.

Help your teenager develop their own understanding of success. Success means different things to different people. One of the reasons failure can become such a fearful ogre is that sometimes we accept other people’s definition of what makes for success even when their definition is inappropriate for us. Help your teenager develop the ability to evaluate their own strengths and weaknesses, to see where they have genuine potential and to set targets that are realistically challenging. If they encounter setbacks or failures on the way, help them pick themselves up and learn from the experience, re-shaping their goals if necessary. Ultimately, the aim of parents is to see teenagers become responsible, well-adjusted adults who thrive. For your teenager to have a clear understanding of what constitutes success for them is another step along the road towards this goal.

Advice for Teachers and Schools

Build a culture that rewards effort. Of course, success should be celebrated, but recognition of effort is as important. There is nothing even-handed in the way life distributes abilities, be they academic, sporting, musical or other. Consequently, success comes more easily to some than to others. Those who are not naturally gifted in a certain field, but who make progress through their effort, deserve recognition alongside those who excel. Helping students appreciate the value of effort and determination in bringing about progress will help them understand that success and failure need to be understood differently for different people.

Regard failure as part of the normal learning process. Those who accept failure as part of the process of learning are more likely to make progress than those who regard it as a matter for shame or embarrassment. Teachers, who can help teenagers develop a healthy approach to failure as a means to advancing their learning, give a valuable gift to their students. Learning from failure helps develop resilience, and resilience is regarded increasingly as an indispensable and valuable tool for survival in today’s world.

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Teenagers and Cyberbullying

Cyberbullying refers to any form of bullying or harassment that takes place through the use of electronic devices, such as a phone, laptop or tablet. This may take the form of a direct message to the victim(s) by SMS, text or email, or it can take the form of comment, photo, or video material about the victim(s) that is made available to a wide audience through social media or gaming sites. Recent statistics from both the US and the UK suggest that over 50% of teenagers have been aware of others being bullied online, and that in excess of 20% have been the focus of it themselves. It is, of course, the case that there has always been bullying. So, how is cyberbullying different from what has gone before?

No escape. The first way in which cyberbullying differs from previous forms of bullying stems from the 24-hour availability of the internet. Many victims of bullying in former generations knew they could go home from school at the end of the day and at least gain some respite in the safe space of home. For the victim of cyberbullying, there is no such respite. The internet is always there, and the bully might post new material at any time. This increases the pressure on the victim, day and night, always to be checking if there is a new post. Even if there is nothing new, the process of checking will bring back to their attention what is already there. It feels as if there is no escape.

Anonymity. In some cases, material may be posted online from an account created solely for the purpose of bullying, which gives the possibility for the bully to remain anonymous. This creates an intensified uncertainty for the victim, who may be left feeling that nobody in their circle of acquaintances can be trusted as any one of them could turn out to be the anonymous attacker. This situation can intensify the feeling of isolation felt by the victim as it effectively robs them of peers who can provide support.

Tips for Parents

There are a variety of things that parents can do to try to ensure that should their teenager ever experience cyberbullying, they (the parents) are in the best possible situation to try to support them.

Build up the child’s sense of personal identity. A strong sense of personal identity will help your teenager be more resilient in the face of all manner of problems, including forms of bullying should they become a target. Ideally, this is an approach that needs to start before the child reaches the teenage years, but if it is not something you have thought about before, it’s never too late to start!

Be careful what you post about your children/teens on social media. I have been shocked at times by the images of their children that some parents post on unrestricted social media. Causing your teenagers a mild level of embarrassment at a family gathering by showing around photographs of them when they were younger might provide entertainment for all – including the teenager. However, parents do well to remember that images of their children they consider cute or funny may unwittingly provide ammunition for cyberbullies.

Be aware of your teenager’s on-line behaviours. The degree to which this is possible will vary with the age of the teenager and will depend on the quality of the relationship between parent and teenager. Some parents of younger teenagers look to be “friended” on the social media sites their teenagers are using so they can exercise a degree of supervision, and this may be a good instructional tool. For all ages, however, the occasional family discussion about appropriate online behaviour could be a means of exercising some influence on the kind of apps that are used, appropriate levels of security and the kind of information that is made available through them to potential cyberbullies.

Watch out for tell-tale signs. If your teenager becomes a victim of cyberbullying, the earlier you find out about it, the better, in terms of supporting them through the experience. Even allowing for the moodiness that sometimes affects teenagers, and the reluctance that some have to discuss with parents what is going on in their lives, there may yet be changes of behaviour that will prompt parents to make further enquiries of their teenager. If the teenager become unusually withdrawn for more than a few days, especially if they seem to be withdrawing from their peer social circle, or if they become unusually aggressive in their responses, these could be signs that something else is going on in their lives. In and of themselves, such signs may not indicate that they are victims of cyberbullying, but they could be signs to the parents that some appropriate further enquiries might be made of their teenagers.

Your teenager is a victim of cyberbullying

If it becomes apparent that your teenager is experiencing bullying online, then the question arises as to what might be done to support them.

Reassure your teenager that they are not to blame for being bullied. This sounds obvious, but it is so very important. In the attempt to understand the cyberbullying targeted at them, teenagers are sometimes quick to find reasons within themselves for it having happened. Reassurance that it is not their fault is therefore very important.

Don’t retaliate on their behalf. Some parents may be tempted to leap to their teenager’s defence by entering into online combat with the cyberbullies. I strongly advise against such a response, the most likely outcome of which is to make matters worse by providing yet more material for the cyberbully to use.

Supportive action. Wherever possible, I would suggest discussing with your teenager the full range of options that might be available to them, and trying to ensure that they understand the implications of each possible course of action. Ideally, the teenager should take the decision about the course of action to be followed and you, as parent, will stand with them and agree the way you will support them moving forward. Such an approach will have the benefit of developing the teenager’s sense of responsibility, help them learn more abut decision-making in difficult circumstances, and help them feel a level of control in a situation where it is all too common for them to feel that they have lost control.

Your teenager is a cyberbully

Some parents may discover that their teenager is involved at some level in the bullying of others. Whilst the response may vary according to the age of the teenager and the extent of the involvement, I suggest the following elements should find a place in the parent’s response.

Stance against cyberbullying. A clear statement that cyberbullying is wrong would be my recommended starting-point. This is not in any sense a comment about the worth or value of your teenager, but a simple statement that you believe their actions to be wrong and that the cyberbullying needs to stop.

Supportive action. I suggest this should start with a full discussion of the options available to your teenager, with regard to appropriate responses to the person they have bullied and consequences that might follow from their actions. There may need to be approaches to the family of the victim, and to those of others involved in the bullying, as well as to those in authority at school. Where approaches need to be made, I suggest the responsibility for making the approaches should be placed firmly in the hands of those who have engaged in the cyberbullying. As a parent, I believe it is important that you stand with your teenager to offer support, but this does not mean excusing them from their actions or seeking to remove the consequences. Ultimately, it is important that teenagers learn from their mistakes, and the parent is well advised to keep this as their guiding principle whilst continuing to offer support.

Tips for Teachers

Teachers will agree that there can be no place for cyberbullying within a school community, but beyond maintaining that stance with students whenever the subject comes up, what might their role be?

Significant Adult. Both victims and perpetrators of cyberbullying will likely need to talk to someone at some stage. Teenagers will generally choose for themselves a significant adult for that purpose and it is not unusual for a teacher to find they are in that position. Playing the role of an “independent sounding-board” can be an invaluable support to a teenager as they try to figure out their best course of action, but for that to happen, it is important not to jump in and become their advocate with the school administration.

It is important, also, for teachers to maintain a professional distance from their students and not to get drawn into student online banter. There is a very fine line between banter that is genuinely funny for all involved and the beginnings of cyberbullying. Most of the time, students manage the distinction themselves, but when the line is crossed and victimisation begins to grow from the humour, a teacher who is involved in the banter can find themselves involved unwittingly in the cyberbullying. Students will choose their significant adults ultimately because they are adults, not because they can behave like teenagers. The professionalism of teachers is not only their best protection against inappropriate involvement with students, but also their primary qualification for becoming the significant adults who can help their teenage students as they journey towards adulthood.

Footnote: West Mercia Police in the UK have published information documents about cyberbullying for young people and for adults, which you may find helpful.

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